When we were young life was easier, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is easy. It always will be. The only difference is we’re older, and the
older we get, the harder we make things for ourselves.
You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple,
hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and
we had no biases or concealed agendas.
We liked people who smiled. We
avoided people who frowned. We ate when
we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
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Life is not complex.
We are complex. Life is simple,
and the simple thing is the right thing.
―Oscar Wilde
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As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by
negative external influences. At some
point we began to hesitate and question our instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we
stumbled and fell down. This happened
several times. Eventually we decided we
didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us
to fall, we avoided it all together.
As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb
our wounds and fill our voids. We worked
late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home. We started holding grudges, playing mind
games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above
our means, used lies to cover up lies, and ate and drank some more just to make
ourselves feel better again.
Over the course of time, we made our lives harder and
harder, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really
need.
If you’re nodding your head, here are some ways you’re
likely making your life harder than it has to be, and some ideas on simplifying
things:
01. You look to everyone else for the answers only you can give
yourself. – For much of our lives – especially at the beginning – we get told
what do, how to think, what looks good, what “success” is, etc. You don’t have to buy into any of it anymore. Feel free to peel back the layers. Think for yourself. Listen to your Self. Break the mold. When you stop doing what everybody else wants
you to do and start following your own intuition, you will find exactly what
you are looking for.
02. You let others make you feel guilty for living your life. –
As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, keep living your life YOUR way. Sometimes we get lost in trying to live for
someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to
impress them. Take a moment and think
about it. Are you doing things because
you truly believe in them? Remember your
own goals. Live, do and love so that you
are happy, because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an
instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.
03. You allow toxic people to get the best of you. – You don’t
ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a
relative, romantic interest, colleague, childhood friend or a new
acquaintance. You don’t have to make
room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their
behavior and makes an effort to change.
But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries and
continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.
04. You are part of the drama circle. – How would your life be
different if you walked away from drama, gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day you speak only about the
good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same. Those that refuse to support you CAN be
ignored by you. It’s as simple as that. Incredible things happen when you distance
yourself from negativity and those who create it. Don’t get caught up in drama. Just walk on by.
05. You assign negative intent to other people’s actions. –
Another driver cut you off in traffic.
Your friend never texted you back.
Your colleague went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on
a daily basis. So what caused you to be
offended? You assigned negative intent
to these otherwise innocent actions. You
took it as a personal insult – a slap in the face. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t take things personally. Don’t assign negative intent to the
unintentional actions of others. Let
today be the day you look for the good in everyone you meet.
06. You are too worried that people will steal what you have. –
Let this be your wake-up call, especially if you’re an artist, writer,
entrepreneur or creative type: There is always more to be gained from sharing
knowledge than from hoarding it. Don’t
worry about people stealing your work; worry about the moment they stop. Be honest, helpful and undeniably good at
what you do. No clever marketing scheme,
social media buzzword, or competitor can be a substitute for that, ever. Whenever people want what you have,
regardless of the circumstances, you’re doing it right.
07. You’re trying to compete with everyone else. – If you
compete with everyone else, you will become bitter. If you compete with a previous version of
yourself, you will become better. It’s
as simple as that.
08. You have been too much of a taker. – One way to deal with
stress and loss is to immerse yourself in doing good for others. Volunteer.
Get involved in life. It doesn’t
even have to be a big, structured event.
Say a kind word. Encourage
someone nearby. Pay a visit to someone
who is alone. Get away from your
self-preoccupation for a while. When it
comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are still unhappily wondering what’s
in it for them.
09. You focus on popularity over effectiveness. – Seek respect,
not attention. It lasts longer and it’s
far more useful in the end. Do things and
build things that make a lasting difference.
And above all, never confuse popularity with effectiveness. Being popular means you’re liked for a while. Being effective means you’ve made a
difference.
10. You keep cutting corners and taking the easy way out. – Do
what is right, not what is easy. And do
the right thing even if no one else will ever know. Why?
Because YOU will know.
11. You focus on every point in time other than now. – You can’t
change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. Be present.
Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday
already has.
12. You are stuck on your mistakes. – It’s important that we
forgive ourselves for making mistakes.
We need to learn from our errors and move forward. Make a pact with yourself today to not be
defined by your past. Sometimes the
greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but
what you learn from it. A happy,
successful life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one that’s
been able to rise above them. (Angel and
I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things
Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
13. You have an “all or nothing” mentality. – There’s no such
thing as perfect success, just as there’s no such thing as perfect
failure. This is why labeling things in
extremes – all or nothing – success or failure – is an exercise in
futility. What does exist, however, is a
continuous series of imperfect moments filled with infinite possibilities and
opportunities. Appreciate the grey area
between the extremes – the journey – the experiences. And above all, never let success get to your
head or failure get to your heart.
14. You expect life to always be happy. – The world can be a
difficult place. You may experience
suffering, heartbreak and loss. These
circumstances can take a toll on your happiness, but do not lose hope. Think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese
philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected. In suffering, you can find great strength, in
heartbreak you can find resilience, and in loss you can find a renewed
appreciation for life. Life is always
Yin and Yang. Opposites are interdependent
and interconnected. You can’t completely
shield yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness.
15. You keep thinking about worst-case scenarios. - Sometimes
your mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely
likely. Your sore throat is life
threatening. Your lost driver’s license
fell into the hands of a miscreant looking to steal your identity. Negativity like this only breeds more
negativity. It’s a happiness
riptide. It will carry you away from
shore, and if you don’t swim away it will pull you under. The bottom line is that you can see the world
through a lens of doubt and despair or hope and excitement. It’s your choice. Either way, you will someday arrive at the
same destination. The only question is:
Do you want to arrive with a frown or a smile?
16. You’re letting loss devour you. – Sometimes you have to work
at happiness. Some hurdles in life are
too difficult to clear simply by adopting a positive mindset. Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to let go of a failed
relationship? Do you need to come to
terms with the death of a loved one?
Life is full of loss. But, in a
sense, true happiness would not be possible without it. It helps us appreciate the good times. It helps us grow. If you’re struggling to see the light, you’re
not alone. Find someone who understands
and talk to them. Reach out for
support. Don’t let loss devour you.
17. You avoid facing the truth. – The truth does not cease to
exist when it is ignored. You cannot
find peace by avoiding things. You have
to feel it to heal it. Bring your fears
and weaknesses front and center and shine a blazing spotlight on them. Because the only way out is through. The pain of facing the truth is SO worth it
in the long run, I swear.
18. You put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost
always better than no decisions at all.
Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach us to yield better
ones. In the end, we most often regret
the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the
decisions we waited too long to make.
Your turn…
As you know, when we stop doing the wrong things and start
doing the right things, life gets easier.
It just makes sense. So how have
you been making your life harder than it has to be? What can you do today to simplify things?
About Author
This article was written by Written by MARC CHERNOFF. He’s a
Passionate writers, admirers of the human spirit and full time students of
life.
Credits :
MARCANDANGEL
