“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in
denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid. We
fear we will not find love, and when we find it, we fear we’ll lose it. We fear
that if we don’t have love we will be unhappy.” ~Richard Bach
Most of us don’t like liars. In fact, we often feel offended,
even angry, when another person lies to us. But the truth is, we lie to
ourselves every day. We engage in negative self talk and thought patterns that
inhibit our personal growth and limit our ability to live a full and grounded
life. We deserve to live life fully, to experience all of the joy and mystery
that life has to offer. The first step towards this way of being is awareness.
If we can become aware of the ways in which we are lying to ourselves, we can
begin to filter our thoughts in a productive way. Here I have listed 10 lies
that we need to stop telling ourselves in order to push past our own
limitations and begin to enjoy the totality of living for which we are destined.
1. My past will always haunt me.
Correction- your past can haunt you if you let it. But no,
you’re not doomed to spend the rest of your life desperately seeking love from
anyone who will show it to you because of a parent who never did. The very
thing you’re doing at this moment – self-reflection, questioning old thought
patterns – is a great step in the direction of change. Next time, before you
indulge a groundless belief or fear, ask yourself,“What is the source of my
information?” If the answer is- as it usually is- “I thought it up,” then you
should dismiss the idea. Remember, when you hold onto your history, you do so
at the expense of your destiny.
2. Success is the opposite of failure.
There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t
unfold the way you expected, don’t give up. Learn what you can and keep moving.
The one who continues to advance in this way, one step at a time, is the one
who ultimately wins in the end. The battle is always won long before the final
victory. It’s a mindset. Success is a process that consists of small steps,
decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other.
3. If only I had (fill in blank), I would be happy.
There are two ways of being rich in happiness: One is to
have all you want, the other is to be satisfied with all you have. I’ll give you a hint: both ways are the same.
If you accept and appreciate things now, you’ll find more happiness. Happiness
comes when you stop complaining about the troubles you have and start offering
thanks for all the troubles you don’t have. So next time you catch yourself
thinking about all the things you want that you haven’t gotten, think instead
about all the things you don’t want that you haven’t gotten. And be grateful.
4. A crisis is a bad thing.
As John F Kennedy once said, “The Chinese symbol for the
word “crisis” is written using two strokes of a pen. One stroke stands for
danger, and the other for opportunity. In a crisis, beware of the danger, but
also recognize the opportunity.” Life always balances itself out. Every
challenge, problem, and difficulty that arises is simply another opportunity
for you to learn and grow.
5. I’m too old for that.
You are never too old to go after what you want. Nelson
Mandela was 76 when he became president. Leonardo Da Vinci was 51 years old
when he painted the Mona Lisa. Dr. Seuss was 54 when he wrote The Cat in the
Hat. Colonel Sanders was 61 when he started the KFC Franchise. There are
countless other examples. Everyone is on their own timeline. And you are never
too old or too young to fulfill your calling.
6. That person (fill in the blank) has it so much easier
than me.
So many people believe this. But it’s simply not true. The
truth is, you have no idea what that person’s life is about! Everyone is
exploring and struggling in their own way. Nobody was handed a manual or an
instruction guide for life – everyone is trying to figure it out just the same
way you are. I once heard someone say if we all threw our problems into a pile
in the middle of a room and were forced to choose one, we would scramble to
retrieve our own.
7. It is better to give than to receive.
It’s a nice thought and useful if you’re a particularly
self-centered individual but I don’t think it’s true. Maybe we can replace that
lie with, “It’s better to give AND receive.” Because neither is “better” than
the other. They are in balance. It’s simple math, for every giver there must be
a receiver. And to take it one step further, giving is psychologically easier
than receiving because there’s no sense of self worth needed to give. You can
give the best parts of yourself away because you don’t feel worthy of having
them. But to be willing to receive means you feel worthy of accepting gifts
from others.
8. I can do it tomorrow.
Maybe one of the most frequent lies we tell ourselves. But
we all know it’s not true! The trouble is, you always think you have more time
than you do. But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to
work on the things you’ve always wanted to do. No one knows what the future
holds and what good does it do to live in the “one of these days” mindset? The
life you have is today and the time to live it is now. Besides, if we all
waited until we were ready, we would never get anything done!
9. Happiness is the foundation of my well-being.
We tell ourselves over and over again, “I need to be happy.”
We question ourselves, “Why aren’t you happy?!” But the truth is, emotions are
emotions are emotions. Sad, angry, lonely, scared, they are not bad things!
Instead of telling ourselves we need to stay happy, we ought to be letting
ourselves feel however we do at any given moment. This kind of permission to
feel as we feel — not continuous happiness — is the foundation of your
well-being.
10. It’s wrong to be self-centered.
Sometimes being selfish is healthy. We could all learn to
say, “no” every now and then. And stop apologizing all the time. It’s your
life! Your emotions! Your choices! So choose what’s best for you. And stop
caring what other people think about your decisions. If/when it comes down to
choosing between someone else or something else and yourself, always choose
yourself.
About Author
This article was written by Whitney Anthony. Whitney, who
loves singing, writing, and performing is the author of the Vehicle of
Wisdom blog. website www.vehicleofwisdom.wordpress.com and Facebook Page.
