There is no specific advice on how to use your body
language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the
setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body
language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a
girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body
language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your body language you must be aware of
your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands
and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it
might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback
on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit
before going out into the world.
Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you
would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to
communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie
stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do
and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using
what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something.
But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And
remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel
happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If
you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually
reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language.
You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight
in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as
you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit,
practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already
heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or
guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several
people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better
connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might
creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you
are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the
beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space
by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals
self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily
winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit.
Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them
back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal
that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not
in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are
interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you
want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But
don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval.
Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too
seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny.
People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a
positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes
you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t
keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous
and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep your head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground,
it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and
your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking
slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you
feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their
direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget and try to avoid, phase out or transform
fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your
fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a
distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if
you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently instead of fidgeting
with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are
trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point
you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become
distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink. Don’t hold your drink in front of your
chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you
seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me
until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture.
However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and
therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in
the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better
posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from
Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have
their personal space, don’t invade it.
17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when
the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other
unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a
bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If
he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs,
you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change
in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)
You can change your body language but as all new habits it
takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to
correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you
try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel
overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every
day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits
and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until
it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on
them.
About Author
About Author
HENRIK EDBERG Is a writer and have written practical articles and
newsletters each week about simplifying life, reducing stress, social skills,
self-esteem and improving your happiness and awesomeness
You can see more article written by HENRIK EDBERG at positivityblog.com
